The First Overnight

So the first overnight… interesting.  It was the first time we have had kids in our house for an extended amount of time without being able to pass them off to the parents they belonged to.  How would this go?

Well, we had played golf that Saturday morning, so by the time we got to them we were hot, sweaty and hungry.  We needed naps.  They wanted to go to the park and swing.  The one thing I was proud of was putting dinner together before we left.  Cottage ham and green beans and potatoes and bread.  What could go wrong?

Apparently everything.  Wow, was that night an epic fail.  Epic!  They hated every single thing we did for dinner.  So we ate cottage ham while they ate cereal.  I felt horrible.  They loved every second of it.  

I think that’s where my panic attack started.  As someone who has never had a panic attack before, I had no idea what was happening.

It all came to a head the next day.  We took the kids to meet my parents and to the outdoor shopping area near their house.  They didn’t ask for a thing.  They didn’t take off.  They didn’t try to steal anything.  They listened and followed the rules.  And yet in the middle of Bath and Body Works, I started to panic.  Ever have a panic attack in the middle of a Bath and Body Works?  Once I was able to breathe again, I was choked up by Juniper and Lemon and Lavender.  It was AWESOME!  But I held it together.

Until we dropped them off.  We stopped for ice cream on the way home and I started to cry.  Granted, not hard enough that I was able to finish my ice cream.  I have my priorities.  But still.  I was just overwhelmed by what we were doing and I think that shocked me.  Again, I thought I was immune because I do this every day.  But I don’t take those kids home.  They aren’t staring at me, needing things from me.  So… panic.  

But doesn’t that happen to every parent?  I sure as hell hope so.  I’ve been told that it does.  While it was my first panic attack, I can’t imagine that it will be my last.  Great.  

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4 thoughts on “The First Overnight

  1. Yes, panic happens to every parent…you get used to it or get help getting used to it. What you are doing is so wonderful and you all will be in my prayers through this long transition process.

  2. I think it’s normal and brave of you to admit a moment (or two) of panic. You know how I feel about this and why I don’t have any of my own (in case it’s been a while, I mentioned that my shock would start the day I got a positive and that they’d have to peel me off the floor before I got it together… probably just in time to give birth! lol).

    It’s a HUGE responsibility and I think that it’s a good thing that you recognize this, work through it in your mind and heart instead of just jumping in blindly.

    You guys are awesome and I will keep you in my thoughts. 🙂

    Q

  3. Kathleen, thank you for writing this, thank you for what you are doing for these children, thank you for enriching your life more than you can imagine at this moment!! It’s so wonderful to hear something so positive when I kept hearing negative today. I will add you, Josh and the kids to my prayers. Even though I’m far away, if I could ever do anything to help please let me know. Post on facebook how things are going….

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